


Understanding

by the_witching_hours



Category: Captain America (Movies), Iron Man (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-16
Updated: 2017-06-16
Packaged: 2018-11-14 19:26:46
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,215
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11214687
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/the_witching_hours/pseuds/the_witching_hours
Summary: Tony Stark should be the one person in the world who GETS HOW IT FEELS to watch the one you love fall from your grasp, watch them die and then return… in a form the world thinks is dangerous.





	Understanding

**Author's Note:**

> Y/N: your name | Y/L/N: your last name | Y/N/N: your nickname

You’d never been a good sleeper; struggling to fall asleep most nights, and when you did, it didn't last long. You’d awaken at the smallest noise, so really it wasn't a surprise that you tended to be the one waking your teammates from their nightmares. No matter where you were, you could hear your teammates struggle in their sleep; it was too the point now that you’d instructed F.R.I.D.A.Y to alert you if you didn’t notice right away. 

Bucky, Steve and Tony had them the most often; after Ultron, Thor started to get them too, but he wasn’t around often. Natasha would have horribly violent tremors sometimes, but when you’d wake her, she wouldn’t want to talk, so you’d hug her awhile in silence before she’d fall asleep again.

Tony was the victim tonight. F.R.I.D.A.Y called you to his room when you didn’t wake on your own, “Miss. Y/L/N, I believe Mr. Stark may need you ma’am,” she spoke, ever calmly. Since Pepper had left, Tony’s nightmares had gotten more frequent, and caused him to thrash violently. That was how you found him; screaming Pepper’s name, flailing on his bed.

“Tony,” you called, slowly reaching out to him. His suit would appear protect him if it thought you were a threat (a lesson you only had to learn once) so you knew to keep your voice even and movements slow. 

“Tony,” you repeated, gently grasping his shoulder and shaking him. 

His eyes flew open and he gasped as he shot up into a sitting position, you backed away, just in case, but his suit didn’t activate. Tony looked frantically around the room before his eyes landed on you. You gave him a small smile that he didn’t return before he placed his head in his hands, still breathing heavily. 

You didn’t speak as you approached his bed again, climbing on so you could kneel next to him. You wrapped your arms around his shoulders and rested your forehead on the back of his neck. You both sat like this for a while, Tony regaining his composure while you silently comforted him.

“I saw her fall. I didn’t catch her Y/N,” his voice was so small and timid, sounding nothing like his boisterous, proud facade. 

“She survived Tony. She lived, and she’s alright now,” you soothed. This wouldn’t make the nightmare any better, but he had to stop blaming himself or they’d never go away. 

“You beat Killian and fixed what he did to Pepper. You didn’t put her there, he did. No, you didn’t catch her, but the whole situation wasn’t your fault Tony.”

He laughed sarcastically at that before replying, “wasn’t it though? I taunted the bastard, fell for all his tricks and Pepper paid the price. I always do this; I make shit decisions and then the people I care about pay for them instead of me!” Tony was sobbing into his hands now.

You tightened your hold on him, keeping your breathing even. There was nothing you could say to make him believe you , no way you could talk him out of feeling this way, so you just held him. This was what you did for your team, you reminded them that someone still cared; even if they thought they were evil personified, irredeemable, or stupid, you were still there for them. 

You never talked to the other members of the team about each other's dreams, always thought that was private, but sometimes, you’d wish you could. Tony and Steve especially; their nightmares were so similar, and you wished you could get Bucky to talk to them both; as a person who had been dropped, to remind them it wasn’t their fault. But you wouldn’t break their trust, even if you thought you could help. 

After a few minutes, Tony calmed. You rubbed his back and asked him if he was going to try to go back to sleep, when he answered in the negative, you enlisted his help with breakfast; knowing that, if left to his own devices, he’d hole up in his lab, alone, and inevitably endanger himself, if not the whole compound. Plus, it was almost 5 AM anyway, you knew Steve, at least, would be up by then. So the two of you headed to the kitchen. You asked F.R.I.D.A.Y to play some of your music, which caused Tony to groan and complain, but you smiled and hummed along anyway, which caused Tony to smile, just a little. 

You were halfway through teaching Tony the proper way to make French Toast (he always skipped the vanilla and chose the wrong bread) when Sam and Bucky emerged from the hallway. The two had been getting along better since moving into the compound, they didn’t like each other nearly as much as they liked Steve, but they weren’t hostile anymore. 

“Where’s Steve?” Bucky mumbled around a mouthful of pilfered French Toast. You smacked his hand lightly and he shot you a grin.

“Capsicle hasn’t shown up yet,”Tony answered, handing Bucky and Sam their own plates full of toast and pointing to the syrup and butter before turning back to you. You smiled at him and made him get his own food and eat before you joined the group. 

The rest of the team filtered in until Steve was the last one left. As you were about to go and check on him, he stepped out of the hallway. He looked tired and he didn’t get any food, just coffee, before coming to the table.

“You okay there Cap?” Nat asked noticing, as you did, that he was behaving out of sorts.

“Hm…” Cap looked up and met her questioning gaze before shaking his head lightly, “oh, yeah, I’m good.”

He seemed far from good and as the day went on, and the team continued to ask him if he was sure he was alright (sensitivity thy name is NOT Avengers), he seemed to get worse.

Eventually, he snapped. Poor Peter had just arrived for dinner and hadn’t known any better, but he’d asked how Steve was and Steve bit his head off.

“I’m fine for God’s sake,” he yelled. Your head shot up from your phone  and you watched Steve walk out of the room, Bucky tried to waylay him, but Steve didn’t even meet his eyes as he hurried past. Bucky was left looking hurt and confused, you squeezed his arm as you passed him in pursuit of Steve.

“Careful Y/N/N,”

“I got this Buck.”

Turned out, you didn’t have to search hard, just follow the sounds of Tony telling Steve off, loudly.

“You didn’t have to yell at the kid Cap! He was trying to be nice! You know ‘nice’ that thing you usually embody to the point of annoyance? What the hell crawled up your ass and died?!”

“Buzz off Stark, I don’t have the energy to deal with you today,” Steve growled in response.

“ _ You _ don’t have the energy? I didn’t sleep at all last night, neither did Y/N, but we aren’t screaming at people who try to ask if we’re okay!” You winced as Tony brought your name up. You were around the corner from them, close enough to step in if needed, but out of sight.

“Yeah, well I’m sure your self-induced all-nighter in the lab was completely purposeful! I was  _ trying _ to sleep, I just…” Cap trailed off, losing his anger, and sighing.

“Nightmares?” Tony asked softly without missing a beat. You peered around the corner; neither of them was looking at you; Cap looked so tired, his head hung, leaning back against the wall, but he looked up when Tony had spoken. He looked at the other man for a moment, brow slightly furrowed before nodding.

“Yeah, every night this week.” Your eyes widened, why hadn’t F.R.I.D.A.Y woken you? Poor Steve, “How’d you know?”

“I have ‘em too. Had one last night, woke Y/N up,” Tony admitted, leaning back against the wall opposite Steve.

“Does she help you too?” Steve asked and when Tony nodded he leaned his head back against the wall and looked at the ceiling before he continued, “I had to tell F.R.I.D.A.Y to stop waking her up. She can’t keep losing sleep ‘cause I have the same awful dream night after night.”

“You know if she finds out you did that she’ll flip right?” Tony laughed lightly. You smirked but ducked back behind the corner and went back to talk to Bucky.

“What’s your nightmare about?” Tony mumbled a moment after you left.

“The train. Bucky...Buck...I… I let him fall…” Steve stuttered, trying not to break down in front of Tony. He didn’t meet Tony’s eyes, feeling as small as a human being could at that point. It was the biggest point of shame to him; he couldn’t protect his best friend, and because of him, Bucky had become the Winter Soldier, Steve felt it was all his fault. But by not looking at Tony, Steve missed the look of shock, and then sympathy on Tony’s face. Tony swallowed and cleared his throat; he wasn’t expecting Steve to open up at all, let alone have such a similar nightmare. He looked at Steve, standing with his head now hung again, he looked a mess. NOrmally, Tony would tease him, or make some ridiculous comment to lighten the mood, but he got the feeling that wouldn’t help here. He could almost hear Y/N in his ear, telling him to talk about it, to open up.

“I… did I ever tell you, about what happened, after New York?” Steve shook his head, but didn’t look up.

“There was a lot of complicated shit, but it boiled down to a mistake I made. A mistake from my past. Someone I had hurt, I guess, he came for me, but he took… he took Pepper.” Tony struggled, brow furrowed and now also looking at the floor.

“What happened Tony?” Steve’s voice was quiet, but Tony winced at the question. He had no choice now, he had to tell him.

“He’d experimented on himself, given himself a mutation of sorts. When he took Pepper, he gave her whatever he’d dosed himself with. It hurt her, but she was still alive. I came for her. She ended up something like 200 feet up in a shipyard, I told her I’d catch her… I… she...she fell Cap.” Tony sobbed quietly but didn’t stop, he couldn’t stop now, “whatever he’d done to her saved her, she didn’t have a scratch and I fixed her, but I still didn’t catch her Steve. I had to watch her fall, thinking that she was going to die, thinking  _ I _ had killed her.”

There was silence in the hallway aside from the occasional muffled sob. Neither man knew what to say at this point. Neither met the other’s eye. There was no tension to the silence, just a sort of pause. Steve recovered first, crossing to Tony’s side of the hall and grasping his shoulder. Tony didn’t look at him but spoke, quietly, “I just don’t want you to think you’re alone Steve. You’re not. You aren’t the only one who's made a mistake, or who still feels the weight of something that wasn’t your fault, and no, before you interrupt me, what happened to Bucky wasn’t your fault. I know you’re gonna say what happened to Pepper wasn’t my fault, Y/N did too, but if that wasn’t my fault, Bucky’s fall couldn’t have been your fault.” Tony met Steve’s gaze at that point, with a light back in his eyes.

Steve bit back the argument he had waiting; Tony had a point, he was going to tell him that Pepper’s fall wasn’t his fault. Maybe, maybe Bucky hadn’t been as much his fault then?

Unaware of this breakthrough, you’d met up with Bucky and were heading back to the two Avengers. You’d told Bucky that Steve was overtired and hadn’t been sleeping, and Bucky had immediately guessed that he’d had nightmares as well. You’d explained as much as you could without breaking your promise of confidentiality to Tony and Steve, and then BUcky and you had headed for them.

When you’d rounded the corner though, you both paused. Tony and Steve looked at the two of you, Steve squeezed Tony’s shoulder and Tony raised his arm to Steve’s opposite shoulder and repeated the action before the two broke apart. Tony went straight for you and swept you into a tight hug, before he turned to Bucky.

“I think, I think we should talk James,” he stated quietly, shocking both you and Bucky; Tony had  _ never _ referred to Bucky in any way other than with a demeaning nickname. BUcky looked to Steve, then you, and finally looked back to tony and said, “sure, Stark. Anytime.” Tony shot him a small smile then left the hallway. Steve clapped Bucky on the shoulder and pulled you into a hug too.

“Thank you Y/N,” he said before he followed Tony out to apologize to Peter, leaving you and Bucky in the hallway, looking bewildered.


End file.
